I miss my husband...

This weekend Chris is going camping with his buddies then is headed down to San Antonio for the Big 12 championship game. When all of this came up I thought to myself... "good! I'll have the house to myself. I can clean, do laundry, watch girly movies and have some good ole ME time." But, I am already missing him! I have this theory, not anything genius or anything mind you, but a theory all the same. It is much easier to be the leaver then the leftee. I mean, are you with me girls or are you with me?! It's much more fun to head out of town for a girls weekend or to see the folks, but when I'm the one left home.... So, there you have it. I am a needy, co-dependant wife. Or at least tonight I am.

Huh?

Part of my job is to give in services to hospitals, nursing homes and sometimes doctors. Today, was my first ever in service. I worked all day yesterday preparing handouts for the nurses, getting together research and figuring out what I was going to say. The subject of my in-service was "Assisting confused, disoriented and non-verbal patients". Last night, while I was going over my material, I asked Chris for a few tips on public speaking. It has been so long since I got up in front of a group and talked. He looked at me and said "just get up and act really confused". All I could say was "huh?"

Tonight!

Tonight.... I am wishing that it was chilly outside instead of warm and summery feeling.
Tonight.... I made white chili that was actually more of a soup. It was still good, but not really a chili at all.
Tonight.... There is a lot of hollering and yelling in my house due to the Oklahoma Sooners taking on Texas Tech. Boomer Sooner!
Tonight... I am doing laundry. Blah. I also accidentally shrunk one of my favorite shirts. I didn't realize it was in that load. I'm pretty bummed about that one.
Tonight... I am contemplating buying two pairs of shoes tomorrow after church. Can I really wear red flats enough to warrant that purchase? You tell me.
Tonight...I am brainstorming how to pull of my thirty dollar a person Christmas budget. Any creative ideas?
Tonight... I am considering cutting my hair. I just don't think long hair is in my future.
Tonight... I am looking at my husband and wondering how I got so lucky.
Tonight... I am missing my mom. She and my Dad are still in Europe and should be back in a few days. It's been like 8 days since I've talked to her. I miss that lady!
Tonight... I am so thankful to for my life.

Holding on for dear life

"Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Jesus Christ

I have been thinking a lot about what this means lately. About a year in a half ago, my husband and I were a part of a church restart in Brownwood. Chris and I along with a couple of friends completely overhauled the church building. We primed and painted every wall inside and out of that building. There was also the pulling up of the carpet, scraping the glue off the floor from the carpet and then staining the floor. Back breaking work to say the least. In the beginning, I was all for starting the church, but so much the manual labor thing. You'd think that starting a church would be happiest time of your life. Not for me. I was miserable. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was holding on for dear life. What was that life exactly? Certainly not one where I was joyful about helping people or bringing people to the Lord. Not a life where my husband needed for his wife to encourage him and share with him. Not a life that glorified God at all. So, after a lot of tears and a lot of asking forgiveness from God I let go. I let go of "my life".
I'm currently in the middle of reading "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Phillip Yancey and found Jesus's command again. Is God trying to remind me of something? I think so.

Truett Wives Club

Yep, that's right. I am an official new member of the Truett Wives Club. My first official meeting was on Monday. I was a little nervous and skeptical going into it, but I ended up loving it. The thing is being a wife of a seminary student is hard, but it is harder being a pastor's wife. The past year in a half I have felt very alone as the wife of a pastor. I would often vent to the youth ministers wife, and that did help. But, on Monday I really felt like these women really understood. (Most of their husbands are pastors in small churches.) It was wonderful. I look forward to having a network of pastor wives that I can call on in ten years and just vent. Someone who knows what it is like to be under a microscope, to have your husband criticized over nothing, to feel trampled on and sometimes to feel just worn out. I hope to make some life long friends with these strong Christian women who just know how it feels. And that can make all the difference in the world.

An 8 to 5er

Well, I absolutely LOVE my new job. Not that I have actually done any of what my new job consists of, but I still love it. So far I've done normal orientation stuff, watch videos, take tests on the computer and shadow co-workers. I work with all women, well except for like three older men. And if anyone knows what it is like to work with an entire staff of women, it is crazy! It can usually go one of two ways. They can be uplifting and a real blessing to your life, or they can be gossipy and crass. The later of the two is the who I work with. But, hey... I'm not going to be in that particular office all that often and not even in my office in Waco, very often, so I think I'm good. I am also loving being home at a decent hour and eating dinner with Chris. Anyhow, so far so good. I'm excited to eventually get to meet with Physicians and market my hospice to them, or give inservices to the nursing staff. I'll keep you updated with more details.

I got the job! Great salary, great benefits and the best part... no working on the weekends and twelve hour days. YES! I start Monday.

Number 5

Today, I had my fifth interview for a Marketing Representative job at Odyssey Health Care. That's right fifth. Here's how it all happened. I applied for this job back in July. At that time I went through two interviews but did not make the cut, because of lack of medical experience. Well, as I was meandering through the online job market last week and I saw the position was open again. Seeing as I made it to the second round last time and was super disappointed when I wasn't offered the job, I decided to apply again. But not without a serious amount of prayer and self preservation. Well, to my surprise, the general manager, also named Robin, called me back an hour later! She went on to tell me how excited she was that I applied again and that she was in fact going to call me asking me to reapply. We scheduled an interview for that Friday. On Friday I drove to Temple and had my third interview with her. It went well and she told me she'd like for me to move on to the next round as it were. Later that afternoon, I received a phone call from the regional director and experienced my second ever phone interview. It went horrible, but apparently not as horrible as I thought because he moved me on to the VP of the region. I didn't hear from him all week, until today. While looking around Pier 1 for some new accent pillows, low and behold my cell phone rings. Yep. It's the VP. So, now I am on interview 5. It went well despite sitting in my car, sweating a great deal. Now I am waiting to hear if I got the job. Torture. Pure torture. No one should have to go through FIVE interviews. No one.

The sales floor

Life in Sales is crazy. It is a roller coaster of emotions to say the least. One day I sold 4,400 dollars in just one sale. The next day, I sold maybe 200 bucks. I get five percent commission. You do the math. Everyday, some jerk blows me off or cuts off my welcome phrase of "How are you guys doing? What brings you in today?" with "I'M JUST LOOKING!" I also get the question " So you just doing this while you're school?" a lot. On the other hand... my feet are now made of steel. I can stand in heels for about 12 hours and they won't start hurting until maybe hour ten. So, that's kinda a plus. But, I am making it. I am still looking for another job, but I am also trying to make the best of good ole Furniture Row.

Day 1

Tomorrow if my first day on the sales floor selling furniture! Eekk! Wish me luck!

A new year...

Today is the first day of my twenty-sixth year of my life. It has been a pretty great day all in all. My sweet husband surprised me with a sleek, silver ipod nano and a new book. He even baked me a birthday cake. It was delicious. We also went out for a Mexican dinner at my new favorite restaurant Ninfas with some friends. I got several voice mails with birthday songs and greetings and a few great gifts from the parents. Fun, fun, fun. Excited about what the 26th year of life holds for me. I feel so blessed already.

Changes...

Well, I FINALLY got a job. Before you get all excited for me, which I appreciate by the way, it's not my ideal job. It's a sales job at Oak Express on Furniture Row. They didn't hire me because of my experience or my degree, I got the job because of my personality. Which is not altogether a bad thing, but it did hit me a little in the ego department. The job is CRAZY! I work from open to close 9 to 9 about four days a week. Then I get two and a half to three days off during the week. I must work every weekend and most holidays. The pay is entirely based off commission. So, while it is a little scary and frustrating in many ways, it is a job. I am trying to look on the positive side, like a discount on the fabulous furniture there, or having fun meeting new people.
In other news... Chris and I are having dinner with a pastor here in Waco and his pregnant wife about Chris possibly pastoring a small, local church here. Pray for us. I'm not sure how much more change I can take!
We love Waco and are so happy to be here!

Two Years Ago...

Today, two years ago, Christopher Gene Richardson asked me to be his wife. Today, two years ago, he told me the words that I had longed to hear for two and half years. He said, "Robin I love you, will you be my wife?" Actually, I'm don't really remember him asking me to marry him, after he said I love you, I just started crying and it was pretty much over from there.You see, Chris always said he would never tell a girl he loved her, until he was ready to marry her. After that, I just cried, hugged and kissed him and cried and hugged him some more and then kissed him some more.
From the first date I had with Chris, I knew I wanted to marry him. I loved his deep questions, the way he smirked when he said something sarcastic, his humbleness, sense of humor and of course his good looks. Our relationship from there was quite a roller coaster of emotions. But, I wouldn't trade any of it now. I know that is has strengthened us. Although, we are so different, really complete opposites about most everything, I know those differences only enrich our relationship.
I love Chris Richardson more than I can possibly explain. He is the most important person in my life. I am so happy that today, two years ago, he asked me to be his wife. He is everything I never knew I always wanted.

UPDATE...
The Garage Sale went great! I was super exhausted from it all. Staying up late and getting up at 5:15 am was super hard, but it feels really good to be rid of a bunch of junk. And I made a pretty good profit too.
Almost the entire house is packed up. Boxes are everywhere and my house is so messy and a tad on the dirty side. Oh well. That's just how moving goes I guess. I hope to have everything in either a box, suitcase, dufflebag or garbage can by Thursday. That way I can clean the house top to bottom Thursday night and then Chris will have us moved on Friday. That gives me a day, to try and get as much unpacked as possible before we leave for Oklahoma City for 5 days. Then another 2 days to try and get the rest of it unpacked before we leave for the beach for 4 days. So, while I am very excited about moving and about vacation and I am also feeling a little nervous and anxious about how everything is going to work out.
I did hear back from two of the jobs that I interviewed for. One offered me the job, but didn't pay enough to support me and Chris. The other called back today and I have a second interview with them on Friday. I'm trying to remain calm and collected about moving without a "for sure" job. But, I know that God will provide.

One man's trash is another ones...

Gosh, I feel like all I ever talk about is my move or my ongoing job search. But, that really is all that's going on right now. That and my super huge garage sale this Saturday! Three co-workers/friends are joining me in my pursuit to get rid of junk and make a little cash at the same time. I'm pretty excited about it. Brownwood is like the garage sale mecca of the world. And the people here are crazy about them. I'm hoping for a nice day with lots of eager customers with cash to spend. We are selling two recliners, a love seat, a computer, VCR and VHSs (lame I know), two sets of dishes, drinking glasses, decorations, picture frames, purses, shoes and the list goes on. What fun!

The Waiting Game

We are moving in about 3 weeks. Three weeks may not sound like a long time but if sure feels like it. It also feels like a short amount of time too. It's tricky you know? I have packed up most of my kitchen, but that's about it. I just never know what to pack up and what we'll need. We're having a garage sale, so there is quite a bit to sort through, throw away, sell or donate. So, the packing may have to wait until the sorting can happen. I'm trying not to let myself get too excited because it seems like forever until I actually get to Waco. I don't have a job yet, but I'm still keeping the faith that God is going to provide me with one. So more waiting. I want time to fly but I feel like I need more time to get everything done. Tick tock.... tick tock... the waiting game. What a fun game to play.

Five words or less...

Last night my small group leader challenged us to say our prayer requests in less than five words. We can all tend to get carried away in the details. So, I decided to write my post in five or less words. Here goes....

job
interview
tomorrow
Waco
nervous

It's go time!

Today is the first day to a healthier and fitter me! That's right folks, I am going to loose some weight and learn how to eat healthier in the process. For breakfast today, I had strawberry yogurt with granola. My snack... kashi cookie and banana. Lunch...lettuce wrap with lean chicken, tomato and avocado with a side of baked lays (just a few). Afternoon snack... fresh strawberries and organic applesauce. Dinner a "Lean Cuisine". I will also be hitting the gym after work for a hour long power walk on the treadmill. I have exactly a month in a half until Chris and I go to the beach with my parents. I want to look hot in my bikini and not embarrassed of my jelly belly. I also, just want to maintain a healthier life style. Let's face it. I'm not getting any younger and my metabolism is slowing down.

I'm also in need of some new healthy recipes for dinners. Karen, I know you have some, so help a sister out. Or if anyone knows of some good online recipe sites... I'd happily take that. Chris is being so sweet and trying to eat whatever healthy meals I've been cooking up. But, I could use some new ideas. So, here's to a new and improved me!

I feel blue.

There's no place like home...

Going to San Antonio to visit the parents. I always dread and love visiting "home" . I LOVE San Antonio. I love it. I love the food, the shopping and the familiarity of just going "home". But, as everyone knows the older you get the more complicated your family becomes. I can't quite figure out if I was just blind and oblivious to my crazy family when I was little, or they just hid it better. But make no mistake they are crazy and they can make me crazy.
I think the other part is home hasn't felt like home since Chris and I got married. Chris makes me feel at home. Chris loves me pretty unconditionally and accepts me for all my quirks and zaniness. My mom on the other hand... not as much. If my mom could have it her way I'd have long blond hair and be a successful news anchor. Not a pastors wife. I never really know what to expect when I get home. A happy homecoming or a judgemental walk thru the door. A fun time laughing and visiting with my parents or tear filled three days. Good thing no matter what, I always get to come home to Chris. My real and true home. Where I can have "mocha" hair and not be a size 0. I can just be me.

"...give a dog a bone..."

Actual conversation that took place between Chris and me last night.

me: Chris, we need to think about what we're gonna sell at our garage sale this summer.
Chris: OK well we can sell some of that old furniture in the garage and my old computer...
me: OK good! We also have some old dishes and nicknack's...
Chris: and paddy whacks?
me: (not controlling my laughter...)
Chris: Robin that wasn't THAT funny.
me: yeah it was. It was just so quick.
Chris: Isn't that why you married me?

Looking Forward

Well, my trip to Waco, Texas turned out to be a very productive visit. Not only did I make a great contact at Baylor but I also got to see where I will be living. A few months ago, I was looking at Baylor's housing listing, I saw a listing for a two bedroom, one bathroom duplex. Called Chris and told him about it and he looked at it when he had a break between classes. He said it was really nice and that the landlords were pleasant, so I went out on a limb and we decided to go for it. Sent them our deposit and signed the contract. It's a great deal all bills included and since Chris is so bluntly honest about everything, I knew that I could trust him. But, on Tuesday when we were driving around to Mapquests crazy directions I started to rethinking all that. But, with just a few quick u-turns we found Lakeshore Drive and then Forrester Lane and then my duplex. And as usual Chris came through and the duplex, more like a small house, is fantastic. New everything and so nice. I can't wait to move in and start making it a home. I should have taken pictures, but I forgot. And thanks to my new Waco friends found on ole blogspot, I have a few other job prospects. I can now imagine my life in Waco and getting very excited.

Taking the plunge...

We are moving to Waco. There it is. I said it. I am pretty terrible with change. I pretty much hate it. I think part of the reason I married Chris is because he loves change and forces me to "go out on a limb" with him. Naturally, I am excited about certain things. A new, nicer place to live. A wider selection of restaurants to eat at, more stores to shop at and new people to meet. But there are certain fears that also go along with all of this. The number one fear on my mind is finding a well paying job. I also worry about meeting friends, getting lost in Waco, finding a church and once again getting settled in a life that I will soon have to move on from. You see, when you are married to a visionary and a adventurer you are destined to never be in one place for long. A good and hard thing all at the same time. The good thing is that I will never be bored or feel confined to the ordinary. Which is also a fear of mine by the way. The hard things are that I am a nester. I get attached to schedules, people and places quickly. So, in less than two months I will be "taking the plunge" and moving on. Leaving all that I know and facing the unknown. My house that I literally put my own blood, sweat and tears into. Nexus, where Chris became a pastor, HPU, my home away from home and Brownwood. The town Chris and I feel in love in, got married and lived our first year of marriage in. Saying goodbye will be hard. This is where my visionary and adventurer will come in handy, as he is also my rock.

A typical Monday for me is after work, I head to my aerobics class and then on to my small group. Last night was no different. I enjoyed a good workout and a little yoga to finish up the hour. While we were putting up our weights, steps and balls, someone mentioned that they'd seen "Christian Yoga" for sale. I immediately had to restrain myself from not rolling my eyes and muttering sarcastic things under my breath. So I just went about my business and quickly left. I got to my small group in a whats fair to say a pretty irritable mood. Maybe it was the peanut butter sandwiches for dinner or the complete and utter lack of actual community that we have, but I was pissy. To add insult to injury we got on the topic of "Non-Christians" a pretty hot button issue for me. (Pretty much my entire immediate family are not believers.) The discussion inevitably lead to how "we can't expect non-Christians to be moral or to act like we do. They just don't know any better. They're not Christians after all." Yeah, cause we Christians are always in a place to act like we're always doing and saying the right thing. Not to mention that lots "non-Christians" don't cheat on their taxes or their spouses. They know the difference between right and wrong and often do what's right even though we assume they don't even have a conscience. When did we get into the business of separating ourselves from the outside world? Someone kept saying "We just need to live life with them." And I agree with that statement, but my question is what use is it live life with someone when you've already sized them up in your head. Don't you think they're going to see that in your eyes? Your heart? Even your actions? I do. Maybe we could just try to see EVERYONE though God's eyes. It's not easy, but it's worth a try right? Then we can really live life together.

All you need is...

The Lead of Love

I am literally going crazy about this job thing. It really is on my mind every minute of every day. It's a good thing I'm so tired at night, otherwise I would never go to sleep. Looking for a job really can make you doubt yourself. Just yesterday I heard from two of my great friends that they had gotten jobs in the field they wanted in the city they wanted. Believe me, I'm happy for them and proud of them, but also sad for me. Selfish, Selfish, Selfish. I keep hearing this Caemonds Call song in my head "...had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view..." and so I just keep repeating and singing that phrase over and over. My head is getting it, but my heart isn't feeling it just yet. Everyday I contemplate a different job. Yesterday it was doing some sort of media for a church, today maybe children's ministry. I do have some good experience. Or maybe Chris and I will both be working at Starbucks. Or maybe I really will have to walk the rocks until I see that mountain view.

I feel like this today. All mixed up and colorful.

A few of my favorite things...

Inspired by my friend Misty and her baby-girl Audrey I too have decided to make a list of my favorite things.

1. making Chris laugh really hard by doing or saying something really crazy.
2. sitting outside on a nice summer evening to eat dinner or drink an iced beverage
3. My Dad
4. Cats. I love those little cat faces
5. buying the perfect gift for someone
6. receiving the perfect gift from someone
7. hearing Chris preach
8. chips and salsa
9. holding babies... but who doesn't
10. going to the beach
11. Avocados/guacamole
12. Finding recipes on the Internet
13. trying out said recipes
14. sleeping in on Saturdays
15. weddings
16. going on dates with Chris
17. my birthday
18. romantic comedies
19. sandwiches
20. Chris Richardson

working 9 to 5

Nothing can drop drop your self esteem about a hundred notches more than looking for a job. That or bathing suit shopping. No woman ever likes to be confronted with having to look in the mirror after a long winter and see their pasty, slightly pudgy self in a very tiny and brightly colored two piece bathing suit. But, I digress.... I am in the process of finding a job in Waco, Texas. I will be moving there in just a few short months, so that my husband can finish graduate school. Seminary to be precise. You would think moving to a larger town with more possibilities would open much bigger and nicer doors in the job market department. So far it hasn't. It's just made me feel that I am a hopeless human being with no potential or intellect. My self proclaimed "kick ass" resume is apparently a little lack luster to employers. I try to be positive to friends and co-workers, but the truth is, I am dying inside with disappointment. Being brave is sure not what it's cracked up to be. And neither is finding a job.

And that's when...

Yesterday, my husband called me to tell me that HIS mom called to TELL him that they were going to put his childhood pet "to sleep". His voice seemed sad and nostalgic all at the same time. I knew he was remembering Chewbaca, affectionately known as "Chewy" as a puppy. I told him I'm was sorry for his mom. Chewy has been living with her since Chris went away to college. He then shot back, "Aren't you sorry for me?! I got Chewy when I was ten years old". I immediately felt bad and told him I was sorry for him too. And I am. But, that's when it hit me. This is what marriage is about. It's about being able to call your wife or husband and telling them something that is important to only you, maybe even life changing and they are expected to care. You may not tell anyone else, but if you tell THAT PERSON, YOUR PERSON then it makes it feel like it really happened and that it really matters. Kinda reminds me of a Dashboard song. But, that's the thing about marriage. When you say "I do" it means I promise to care about your life, your feelings, your past and I will always try to care about those things. Don't know why this all just occurred me or why I just now figured it out. Better late than never though. And " I do" Chris. I'm sorry I didn't yesterday, but I do now.

I've committed to losing 10 pounds and dropping from a 2,000 calorie diet to a 1,800 calorie diet. So far, I'm just really, really hungry. All the time. I have been upping my fruit and veggie intake, which I feel good about. I also feel good about going to the gym even after a long day at the office. I'll feel even better when I look hot in a bathing suit this summer. Maybe if I had these cute running shoes, I'd want to run and not just "power walk". 120 pounds here I come!

Stupid is as Stupid does

I did a really stupid thing yesterday. Really stupid. I fell for scam, that included me giving my credit card information over the phone, so that some "company" so they could find me a job. I know... stupid. After I got off the phone, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I turned right around and googled the company and found a forum of other people that were scammed. My heart sank and I swear my eyes rolled to the back of my head as several thoughts went through my head. Jeez... is my identity going to be stolen? Am I really going to be one of those people that goes on the news and tells everyone how they were the victim of a scam? Am I going to get in trouble with Chris? So, I called my bank in a panic. Thank God I bank with a national bank and not some local bank. What are they really going to do for me? They're all townies! So anyway, I called Bank of America told my sob story to a very nice lady on the phone. She sweetly gave me a little pep talk about calling that company and getting them to give me back my money. Feeling very empowered, I called that company and gave them what for! Well... really what they got was a crazy girl, talking at the speed of light, begging them to void her account and give her, her thirty bucks back. Well, they did and I breathed a huge sigh of releif.
p.s. I did tell Chris about what I did and he wasn't mad. He did ask me if I learned my lesson. And I have.

I'm the lucky one

i am feeling oh so lucky this afternoon as I am married to the cutest, smartest and funniest boy I've ever known. Not only he is wonderful in every way, but he is also my biggest fan.
Just a little mushy-gushy list about my husband. These are not in any specific order.
1. He's just so adorable
2. He makes almost anything funny
3. He's a dynamic speaker
4. He's an overcomer
5. He will always protect me, but push me at the same time.
6. Loves how crazy I am
7. Hardest damn worker I've ever known
8. Great Kisser
9. Loyal friend
10. Looks hot in a button- down shirt or in a t-shirt
11. Compassionate to the "least of these"
12. Strong Leader
13. He makes feel pretty even when I don't wear make-up
14. Loves God

On my wishlist...

Raindrops Keep Falling...

It's been raining all morning. There is something so spiritual about the rain. Watching the rain drops stream down the window makes me feel calm and safe inside my little office. It could be cold and windy with torential rain, but I am inside. Warm, dry and safe. I think it's important to feel safe every once in a while. Like when I was a little girl and I was scared of the thunder storm and I knew my mom was just a "call down the hall" away. I just had to give out a little yelp of " MOM!" and she was shuffeling down the hallway in her robe and slippers. In seconds she was kissing my forehead and rubbing my back, telling me that it was all going to be ok, afterall it was just a storm. I miss those days. I miss feeling safe.
It's not like I live in a dangerous city or country. Not that you can only feel unsafe in crime ridden neighborhoods or waring nations. I just miss the feeling of "safe" and what it meant when I was a child. A life of certainty, contentment and unconditional love. Although, I am well loved, there is little certainty in my life at this time. And I feel as if I am never fully content with anything or anyone. It's probably my biggest flaw. But, for now, here in my little cubical, I am safe, warm and dry. And that's all I can ask for. For now.