On my 28th birthday, Chris and I went to this South American restaurant. There we were, me sipping on a mojito , Chris with some exotic beer and he then he sprang it on me. He said, "I was going to get you some flowers, but I think you'll like this better. I think we should start trying to have a baby." It would be an understatement to say that I was beyond excited. Because I was. The baby bug bit me a long time ago and I've been itching for a little one for quite some time.
But, like every girl who is "trying", that monthly reminder that you're not pregnant brings mixed emotions. But you keep on trying. In the mean time, I would secretly look at Gap Maternity, read pregnancy magazines in Barnes and Nobles and envision my dream nursery. In the meantime, everyone else got pregnant or had a baby! My boss, co-worker and couple of friends. Lets just say a lot of women in my everyday life, which makes a girl who's trying to get pregnant feel a little blue.
And then the other shoe dropped.
The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Refuge did another Thanksgiving dinner for our addicts who weren't able to have one. Chris and I were fighting about church and I was just an emotional basket case. I DID NOT want to go to church and drove separate from Chris. Cried the whole way there, walked in, set my mashed potatoes down and went to the bathroom. I sat down on the floor and cried. When I heard Chris come in, I grabbed him and wouldn't let him leave my side. As we circled up to pray for the meal, our friends the Arnolds made an announcement. Yep, you guessed it. "We're pregnant!" I looked at Chris and then I burst into tears. Then I heard someone say... something to the effect of "Robin's so happy she's crying!" Oh God. I did make my way over to Mary to hug her and congratulate her. I'm not a complete jerk after all! But the rest of the night, I just teared up off and on.
Since then, I've had a come to Jesus with well, Jesus. And Chris. And I've been trying to be gracious and kind and patient. I do better some days more than others. But don't we all? Today, wasn't one of those days. All the girls went shopping and lunch. Mary talked endlessly about babies, and pregnancy and strollers and maternity jeans and onesies and list goes on.Which, she should. She is pregnant and this is a very exciting time for her. But, a sad time for me. So, I bit my lip, I smiled, I did my best supportive friend, but at times I had to walk away.