Monday, April 26, 2010

Public vs Private

Chris and I always get into fights about how much we tell our friends. Chris wants everyone to know pretty much everything about us, and I like to give the bare minimum. As Chris so wisely pointed out to me, it has a lot to do with our families and how we're brought up. Chris's family was just really honest about their struggles and issues. My family definitely had our share of struggles and issues, we just didn't tell anyone about them. So, naturally this spills over into our married life. I still do not like to share and Chris does! In the spirit of sharing struggles, issues and even praises... here they are.

I'll start out with a praise, in January I applied for another marketing job. I was really fed up with my job at the nursing home and was ready to move up in salary. So, I had two interviews with a company and then they called me up and offered me the job! I also negotiated for an even higher salary then they offered. It was a HUGE raise! So, I met with my boss, who I really do love, and handed her my resignation letter. I started to cry, she started to cry and I told her why I felt I needed to leave. I'll leave out all the boring details, but the day ended with a salary match and a very complimentary speech from the President, begging me to stay. I decided to stay and most days am glad I decided to stay.

Issues... Refuge is going really great. I would like to say that it has been an honor to watch Chris fall into his pastoral position. He has handled so many situations with such wisdom, compassion and heart. But, what church plant doesn't have it's issues? For that matter, what church doesn't have it's issues? As many of you know a lot of our church is made up of recovering addicts. I think it what has been hard for me is that I get really attached to people. All people. And sometimes recovering addicts relapse and leave. Some don't necessarily relapse, but they do make poor decisions. And that's hard. It's just a hard part of ministry, and I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to it. Another hard thing has been the loneliness I've felt as a pastor's wife. I don't know what else to say about it, other than I just feel lonely.

And on to the struggles. I'm sorry if I'm always talking about this, I don't mean to be annoying about it, but it is my struggle. We are still not pregnant. And I think about it everyday. Everyday.It has been 8 months and we are still not pregnant. And no amount of encouragement or "I'm sure it'll happen for you soon" makes my heart feel any better about it. I've just had to put my hope in the Lord. I told myself yesterday morning that I have a good life. I have a husband who loves me dearly, a church family who loves me and a career that I enjoy. I have no room to complain. That got me through yesterday, but today was a little harder.

Now that it's all typed out, none of this seems so bad to share. I guess sometimes my husband is right.