Just another manic Monday

I HATE Mondays. I dread Mondays, all week-end long. I always have about 3 reports due first thing Monday morning. I always get to the office about 10 minutes too late And I never like anything I'm wearing because, I just threw something together at the last minute. Did I mention that I hate Mondays?!

So here's just a few things I do love!

Last minute dinner runs to Chipotle with Chris
My new boots that I got for Christmas
My wedding rings
Hot bubble baths
old people
Getting a new haircut (which I intend on doing this week)
Crockpots
This
And this
The name Lucy June if I have a daughter (isn't that just the best name?!)
The movie "500 Days of Summer"

What do you love?

And it feels....

....like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it's coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes

Just embrace

It all came to a head last night. I was done. Done being a church planter and done being a pastor's wife. And I told Chris that this was it. I was moving back to Texas and taking Rufus with me.

Seriously. I'd been feeling this for a long while. I'm fed up with how slow it feels our church is moving and growing. The feeling of sheer frustration of always being "the bread winner" and never knowing how it would feel to get to something I actually want to do. The sadness and fear I've hidden about wanting a baby, but knowing that we can't afford to have one. The pressure of being happy we moved to a place that's cold all the time and feels like a million miles away from everyone I love.

So, with my mind made up and my toughest face on I broke the news to Chris. He was more than upset (naturally) but in his kindest and most loving voice he ministered to me. He talked me down from the ledge and he counseled me. It was hard for me to listen, but it was everything I need hear for a LONG time. Longer than I'd like to admit.

Because for months now, I've had no connection with God. I haven't talked to Him, haven't been reading about Him, sure haven't been listening to Him and checked out of every conversation about Him at church.

And not only have I been ignoring my relationship with God, but with my sister, my closest friends and with Chris. I've been harboring all sorts of resentments against all of them. Bitterness and anger have been my companions for the past 5 or 6 months. And I have used them well and I've used them often.

I know that God wants me to just embrace. Just Embrace. To embrace my friends here and embrace Refuge Community Church. But, I just don't want to. It's so much easier to blame Chris for making us move here. It's much easier to blame God for never providing what I want him to provide. To blame everyone around me for a laundry list of reasons that I hurt and ache. Because if I embrace all this then it feels like I have to let go of my old life and move on with this new one. I have to admit that I am not actually that great at relationships and that I do have a disfunctional family. And that I do grace.

So this morning after a very restless night, I talked to God. I cried and cried and cried to Him. And it felt good. I had forgotten how good it could feel.

My goals the next couple of days is to re-learn to trust God. To put more trust in Chris and learn to embrace.

Just embrace.

Gone is a flash!

These summer months have just flown. I seems like I just got back from my trip to Texas, but here it is August. Well a lot has happened the past month or so. Chris's dad died. It was sudden, or at least to us it was and it was sad. Chris has not talked to his dad in a long time and to be honest. I have always dreaded the day I would get that phone call. It came sooner than I expected, but isn't that how life is. Chris went to the funeral and he actually preformed it. Is that the proper way to say that? Well anyway, he spoke, read scripture and invited everyone to say happy or funny memories about his dad. He just might top the bravery list in my book.
Refuge had our first interest meeting last week. It went really great and I can't beleive it's all happening. Ten people showed up and probably 90% of those people will be involved in forming Refuge. We had dinner at our house, followed by a short intro. by Chris and then some handouts. Seems so official for something that has been just a thought for so long. And we have another interest meeting in a couple of weeks. Again, I am just so astounded in what God is doing and has done to get us to this place.
We also added another member to the Richardson family. Ivan the Siberian Husky. He is 10 weeks old and totally adorable. Things are crazy in the morning with two puppies, but manageable. We official have or will have two big dogs. We are now "those people".
And starting this weekend, we will also have two new roommates. The Kinsers are moving in this Friday! Yes, yes it is true. They are moving to Denver to help with the church and so Grant can finish up at Denver Seminary. They haven't been able to find jobs or housing, so they are moving in with us until the time being. I realize it sounds crazy and that it will probably be crazy, but we are about community and what better way to have community then to live it.
Below is a quick snapshot of our summer.

I know... I know...

I am way over due for an update, but I was waiting to post some pictures of my house. And I didn't want to put any up until I had it looking cute. And I'm still in the process of making it cute. So alas, I will give a tiny update on life with the Richardson.
Chris is no longer working nights... Have I mentioned that? Because I should have. It's awesome having him home at night.
Rufus is growing bigger and cuter by the day. He is learning all sorts of tricks and loves his new backyard.
We love our new neighborhood, we can walk to a bunch of trendy shops and restaurants. See for yourself!The Highlands. Makes you want to visit us huh?
My job is really stressful and demanding right now. They had to shave hours off manager's schedule and cut their pay accordingly and it's basically up to me to bring in more residents to our nursing home so everyone can get their time and money back. My boss told me it's not personal, it's business. I almost quoted Kathleen Kelly from You've Got Mail to her, but it didn't really seem like the time. But just for the record, business is always personal. I'll move on.
The Cogsdils are moving here this weekend. I think it must be so amazing for Chris to see his dream start to shape and become reality. I also think it's amazing, and really glad to have more friends in Denver. I think it's incredible that people are moving here and leaving everything they know to be apart of Refuge. We are really blessed.
I now know why I moved to Denver.... for the summers! It hasn't gotten over 80 degrees the entire month of June. It rocks! On the other hand, we've had a ton of thunderstorms with hail and tornado watches. So, that doesn't rock so much.
And is anybody else worried about Jon and Kate Plus 8?! I am seriously stressed and upset about them. Chris thinks it's just a big media gig for more ratings, but why would anyone put themselves through that for ratings?! I've been praying for them... I know kinda dumb, but I can't help it!
And... I have roses growing in my front yard. This picture isn't them, but they look just like it!

Chaos and Peace

Chaos...
My apartment at the current moment, because we are moving this Sunday.
My job.
My mind at night because I keep thinking of all the things I want/need for my new house.
The idea of having another puppy and crate training him.
Moving so many people in their perspective homes this summer
Trying to fit a fun summer schedule around Chris's crazy work hours.
What my stomach feels like when I'm anxious or worried.

Peace...
What my darling husband would like me to be.
What I pray for unceasingly
How I feel when I go to the mountains
What Chris offers the addicts at Denver Rescue Mission
How I felt right after I married Chris. I mean right after!
What I beleive God tires to give me graciously, and I reject over and over even though I asked for it.

The 8

My8s
8 things I am looking forward to
1.Summer time in Colorado! Warm days and cool evenings spent outside with Chris and Rufus. Playing, eating and enjoying the good life.
2. Moving into our rent house and decorating it!
3. When Chris doesn't have to work nights anymore and we can enjoy a date night that doesn't end at 8:30pm.
4. My mini-trip to SA to see my folks and eating as much Mexican food as I can.
5. All of our friends moving up here
6. Getting started on Refuge Community Church
7. Bringing home a little friend for Rufus. (A puppy named Jessie or Toby)
8. Exploring even more parts of Denver and just knowing where things are.
8 things I did yesterday
1. Worked as the manager on duty at my nursing home
2. Went to the grocery store and got excited about the fruit salad I'm going to make
3. Took a nap with Rufus... me on the couch, him on the floor with his towels.
4. Looked at about 30 different rent houses on craigslist.
5. Watched a movie instead of cleaning my apartment
6. Attended a jewelry party at my boss's house, met some new girls and had a great time!
7. Re-read Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.
8. Waisted too much time on the computer.
8 things I wish I could do
1. Go on an exotic vacation for at least 2 weeks.
2. That I could work any job I wanted to and not have to worry about the salary.
3. Not be such a worrier.
4. go to culinary school and be a chef or maybe an interior designer
5. But all my groceries at Whole Foods
6. Be better at enjoying my life and not just waiting for the next big thing to happen
7. be more creative
8. Better at following through
8 shows I watch
1. Lost
2. The Office
3. Good Morning America
4. Brothers and Sisters
5. The Bachelor
6. First Time Buyers
7. Top Chef/Project Runway (whichever is on at the time)
8. King of the Hill
8 people I tag
Chris (even though I know you hate these things)
Misty
Ashley
Kim
Holly
Rachael
Catherine Elizabeth
Bethany

No Dice

Well it's official. The house was already rented out to someone and Chris did not get the job. Chris was bummed, but my prayer has been that if he didn't get the job that God would reassure him that He had something else in mind. And this morning when Chris came home from work, he was in a fantastic mood and telling me all the the things he's grateful for in our life. As for the house that I loved... I'm disappointed, but there are other cute houses out there and for probably a lot cheaper. I'll keep looking and praying that the right one will come along.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for us! It really means a lot to me.

Say a little prayer for me!

As most of you know Chris is working nights now and I am really hating it. We are also in the process of finding a rent house and have to move out of our apartment in the beginning of June. We have to because, our friends Jessica and Tanner are moving into our apartment on June 15th. Well, it just so happens Chris had an interview on Wednesday for a promotion that would include more pay and normal hours! And today... I found the most perfect rent house. Really perfect. In the the area we love, with a backyard for Rufus and adorable outside. The pictures of the inside look really cute and well.... Sigh. It is so perfect. All except that the rent is 1600.00 bucks. Which may not sound like a lot to you, but it is for us. So the thing of it is... we need Chris to get the promotion so we can afford the rent. We could probably afford the rent now, but things would be tight and we would definitely have to cut back on some things. So my prayer of course is that Chris would get the job and we would get the house. But, that may not be what God has in mind. So, could you guys pray that whatever is best for us is what would happen. And that we would find a house to live. Thanks guys!

Keeping up with the Jones's

For all those who care, the weather is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous this week. It was glorious today, a far cry from the 2 feet of snow we got Friday! Still, the snow has melted and today I sported short sleeves and open toed shoes. It was fabulous!

As of a couple of weeks ago, we gave our 60 day notice to our apartment and in the process of finding a house. Initially we thought a rent house, then got the stimulus itch and filled out all the paperwork to buy. I started thinking about the stress that can come with finding a house, down payments, closing costs and then a morgage. After much (internal) worrying from me and a very perceptive husband we decided to go ahead and wait. We took a step back and just breathed. We never sent the paperwork in. Then I just felt... I dunno, kinda lame I guess. .You see, I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to every couple our age or younger for that matter. A lot of my friends are buying houses or already have beautiful homes. It just seemed like EVERYONE was buying and what the heck was wrong with us if we weren't! And while we are on the subject of everyone else, how come I'm not knocked up yet? Why am I not on my second kid by now? Well.... I guess because I moved to a new state less than a year ago. And maybe because we are starting a church. And buying a house and having a baby AND starting a church might be really stressful. I mean really! And maybe we just aren't like everyone else. Maybe following God's call and being obedient to that means we do things at different times than everyone else or in a different order. And maybe I should stop comparing myself and Chris to everyone else, because being a Christian means you are different. You just are. We just are. I might not have a dream house in a few years or be on my second kid, but I'll be apart of Refuge Community Church. And I'll get to be apart of something bigger than myself and truly see God work in people's lives. I'll get to share my home with new friends and old friends. And live my Colorado adventure with my beloved. (And Rufus) Maybe keeping up with those Jones's isn't such a big deal after all. I just need to focus on keeping up with the Richardsons.

Ugh

The weather outside is sorta frightful... we were supposed to get 13 -16 inches last night and today and we didn't. I am so glad, because I am so over the snow for this year. But it sure is cold and windy and not very spring weather. I think I talk about the weather in like every post, but that is because I'm kinda obsessed with it here. It's crazy. That's all I have to say about it. Crazy.

The other crazy thing in my life is Chris's new job. Yep, he got a promotion! We are really thrilled... really! (I know two girls here in Denver that have hubbys out of work) So, don't let my blog title make you think that we are not thankful for the extra money in our bank account. Because we are thankful! What I am not as thankful is for him working nights now. He goes into work at 9:00 pm and comes home at 6:30 am. Like I said... UGH. It may not sound all that "ugh" to you and it didn't immediately sound bad to me either. But it's horrible. We never see eachother. Because his days off are now Sunday and Monday and he still has to keep his sleeping cycle, which means he doesn't get up until 2ish. Not much time left in the day to hang out. And then back to work for me on Monday. Last night when Chris was getting ready to leave, I had a mini breakdown. I couldnt help it. I really never consider myself a needy wife and he has only been doing about 2 weeks, but I couldn't help it. The water works started and continued even after he left. I hate this new job and I am praying that Denver Rescue Mission promotes him quick!

So that is my "ugh". Cold weather and no husband. What is a girl to do?

Summertime Blues

I am longing for summertime in Denver. Today it was actually 80 degrees! I wore shorts and flip flops and was in heaven. This week it's supposed to snow a couple of days. I am praying that all the weathermen are wrong and it just stays this way. I'm ready for open toe shoes and short sleeve tops. But, all this nice weather has me thinking about my summertime plans. Here is what I want to do..

Concert at Red Rocks- DONE! Bought the tickets minutes ago.
Attend as many Rockies games as possible
Go white water rafting
See my parents in San Antonio- tickets on southwest are 69 bucks!
Move into a rent house in "Wash Park"
Buy another dog-that one is for you honey!
Fill every weekend with as many free festivals as possible
Buy a grill and grill out with friends all the time
Collect t-shirts of all the Denver sports teams. I dunno why, just seems right.
Go hiking in the mountains


Anyone want to come for the summer? I think it's going to be a fun one! We'll show you a good time.

On my mind

Today I bought some new shorts. This makes me laugh because it snowed this week, but I couldn't resist. They are really cute and I can't wait for summer in Colorado. It's gonna be full of outdoor concerts, festivals and hopefully some white water rafting!

Our friends the Johnsons were here this week on their spring break skiing. It was so great having them here and really sad seeing them go. Chris and I love them and are always talking about how lucky we feel to have them as friends. They are the kind of friends that you can just pick up where you left off. The best kind of friends.

Rufus is getting bigger and bigger every day. I feel a little sad, cause soon he's gonna be a big dog and not a cuddly puppy anymore. He has figured out how to bark and that he likes to bark at all the small dogs in our apartment complex. I don't find that quite so adorable. Chris and I have been taking Rufus to a local dog park every Sunday. And let me tell you.... dog parks are the coolest! Lots of cool dogs and sometimes cool owners. Good place to meet people and invite them to a cool new church starting next year.

I am planning a St. Patrick's Day dinner. Yep! Corned beef and cabbage with red potatoes. Chris isn't as excited as I am, but I know it's gonna be good!

I am missing my parents so much that every time I think about them I start to tear up. Colorado feels like home, but it also feels like another continent from Texas. I am really hoping they come for a visit sometime soon. I'd like to see those Airhearts.

Someone's face I will be seeing soon is my dear friend Misty and her sweet family. Pregnant with her second baby, I can't wait to see her and catch up on things that we don't remember to say on the phone. Take her to lunch and just be.

Lastly, I know that I am incredibly gushy when it comes to Chris, but I can't help it. I love him. He is utterly and perfectly wonderful. So good to me and to everyone around him. I'm the lucky one.

Dullsville

Life is boring around here. Well, maybe not boring, but mostly Rufus consumed. Everything is kinda revolving around that dog. Find treats that he loves, the right kind of dog food, teaching him tricks (Chris is at least) and taking him to the dog park. I do love that little dog face though.

Other than that just working and same ole same ole.


Just working.


Told you... Dullsville.

Our pride and joy

Rufus the dog

New Friends

Last night Chris and I went out with some new friends. Sarah and Kyle Hunter. I met Sarah at work, she is the social worker at my nursing home. She did her under grad at Baylor and that's how we got to talking. Mostly, because I am so nosey and anytime I see anything representing Texas I have to bring it up. Anyway, she is our age and married and really, really great. Last week she asked me if Chris and I would want to hang out with her and her husband. It was all I could do not to hug her and jump up and down. I have been trying to make friends, but people are kinda non-committal about it here. Which is weird to me, because everyone I meet says they want more couple friends, but never want to hang out. Anyway..... Well, I made myself wait until I got in the car to call Chris and tell him the good news. I was that excited!

So, we met them at a their house, which in the very same area, we want to buy a house! They took us to a cool pizza place and then we went back to their house and played rock band! It was really fun and I think even Chris had fun playing. I always have to assess everything when we get in the car, and we both really liked them and had a good time. Which is also nice. Sometimes the wives will get along, but the husbands not so much. Or the other way around, so I was thrilled that everybody hit it off. Hopefully this is the start to a beautiful friendship!

Now we have 4 friends in Colorado. I'm a pretty happy girl.

This week

I am watching TLCs "What Not To Wear" and they are doing jeans. Geez... will someone nominate me for that show already?! I want a new pair of jeans, so bad that I could cry. Ok, maybe not cry, but I really want some new jeans.

The job is good. First week down, and that is always the hardest. In my opinion anyway. I am the Marketing and Admissions Director of a long term care facility. It's a little crazy and I think that I have determined that I will not be perusing the Nursing Home administrator thing anymore. It's just not for me. In general, I think I have ruled out nursing homes as any kind of job possibility. But hey, its a job and with this crazy economy, I'm just glad to have a job! Plus no more working on the weekends and 10 hour days.

This week as been really rough. Not just because I started the new job.... just been a bad week. I've been a big jerk to Chris and kind of negative of about a lot of things. Tomorrow, when Chris is at basketball, I need to spend some time with God and get my heart cleaned up and back in order.

On a high note, the weather has been glorious in Denver! Sunny and in the 50s and 60s. Absolutely gorgeous and I've been able to loose the coat, scarf and gloves for a few afternoons. It really has been great. Almost like Texas. Which reminds me. I really miss Texas. I miss Tex-Mex food, the people, and the accents.

Whew! I am so ready for this weekend. I gonna rest, clean, spend time hanging out with Chris and just enjoy my life.

Today Friends

I quit my temp job, BECAUSE..... I am starting my new job on Monday!