Money, Money, Money

Money Fasting

Yep, that's what we're doing. Starting January 1st, the Richardsons will be on a cash fast. After spending some time looking at our budget and realizing how much we spend on the unnecessary. I mean it starts innocently enough.... running late in the mornings, so I'm going to grab a coffee and muffin at Starbucks. Oh, I don't like what I'm eating for lunch, I'll just zip through the drive thru and grab something. Hmm... I REALLY need those earrings at Target, and they're only $5.99 so I should get two! Yeah, all those little "innocent" purchases add up! So, we are going spend the next 21 days in a money fast.

So the rules are pretty simple. ONLY spending money on the essentials, like food, medicine and bills. For 21 days we'll inviting friends over for dinner rather than going out, taking our lunches to the office and watching old movies instead of hoping on down to the Redbox. And for a double threat we'll also be eating healthier and working out more. So, just three itty bitty things to keep myself accountable everyday. Um, yeah right! This challenge is going to stretch both Chris and me. Probably more me than him. I am not disciplined what so ever.

My hope is to update daily or every other day in order to keep myself accountable and if you're interested stop by and see our progress!

The goal is to see how money we save from our fast and put that towards one of those dreadful credit cards that needs paying off. Wish us luck!

Merry Christmas!

Bloging drought

ok, ok i know. it's been awhile... a drought, really. so a few quick updates, and i promise something more soon.

1. chris and i are going to seattle this summer! we were going to california, but things change and now we are headed to see the space needle. I REALLY want to stay here! it's perfect, no?
2. i am re-reading all of the harry potter books. i love that dang wizard.
3. the past few months, i've been choosing a word and meditating and praying about it. this month the word is joy. i even have the word displayed in a few places around my house.
4. confession. i love gwyneth paltrow. i loved her even more after seeing this.
5. i'm obsessed with this song.
6. a couple of weeks ago someone tweeted a quote from chris's sermon. i thought i was going to burst with pride.
7. it has hardly snowed at all in denver this year. i couldn't be happier. :)
8. i'm going to buy these with my fun money next month. they'll come in hand when it does snow.
9. on my christmas list will be all three twilight movies.
10. and speaking of christmas... we took christmas pictures for the first time this year. so i'll need your addresses to send you a card!

A Santa Claus God

Well, I went to the OBGYN yesterday for an appointment. It's been a year that we've been trying and I told myself that if I wasn't pregnant by August I would go to the doctor and find out what to do next. Turns out what I have to do next is call a reproductive endocrinology (infertility) doctor. Not what I was hoping for, but there it is.

The thing is, that I was REALLY thought I would be pregnant this month. I honestly thought that after having a awful year of feeling let down, miserable and broken that God would reward me with a positive pregnancy test. Because, despite having a terrible 28th year of my life, I also tried to work on my short comings. I overcame a lot of struggles and really worked and prayed through some of my issues, so naturally I thought God would grant me this one wish. I thought if I was good enough He would give me the beautiful gift of motherhood.

But He hasn't.

Because, God isn't Santa Claus. He doesn't give you what you want if you are good this year. I mean, it'd be nice if He did, cause I'd also like a new house, car and an endless supply of mint chocolate chip ice cream. But that's just not how He loves us. That's not the relationship He wants to have with me. A relationship where He gives me what I want and then I in turn love Him more, because He gave me what I wanted.

When I realized this revelation this morning, it made me sad. Sad that I've been hanging on to this for such a long time. A whole year. An entire year waisted on waiting around for God to step down from heaven and hand me a baby. 365 days gone on being angry with my Father for "not loving me enough to give me "my heart's desire". 12 months that I could have spent enjoying my life with my husband, my friends and my church, instead of always thinking about how much happier I'd be if I were just pregnant. All because I mixed up God with Santa Claus.

So where do I go from here? It's hard to let go of something that you've spent every hour of every day focusing on, but it's time I let this go. It won't easy. Honey, are you reading this? But I do know that I've got to actually let God work in my life, give me purpose and heal my heart, before I will be any good to anyone. Especially to Him.

today is...

rainy and cold. a high of 51 degrees. in the middle of june, no less. and i'm working today after three days of jury duty. Can anyone say LAME? so I have been thinking of things i enjoy, so as not to be totally bummed out. here's what i came up with. not extraordinary, but it's all i have, so bare with me. or is it bear?

1. friends coming to denver for a visit. (kerri fisher and the johnsons. i promise to show ya'll a good time.)

2. pandora. its all that's kept me sane today.

3. my MAC superglass lipgloss

4. top chef is starting back on wednesday after a way too long hiatus

5. getting a new grill.

6. rufus, my dog. who has the cutest dog face i've ever seen.

7. movies in the park.

8. buying an adorable cupcake stand to put these on. :)

9. sending this sweet friend her baby care package

10. and see this sweet friend's new baby! born on friday and so adorable that i just can't wait to squeeze him!



and just to prove that rufus really does have the cutest dog face ever, here's a picture. it's when he was a puppy, but who cares! plus i love this little family picture!

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired."
Mother Teresa

They Call Me Mellow Yellow

Confession. I am in love with the color yellow! I don't know if it's because winter in Denver has decided to extend itself into an unwelcome visitor, or if all the beautiful daffodils around town have given me a cheery disposition, but I am lovin the yellow. And birds too. I am attracted to anything with birds these days. And if there is a possibility of having bird with something yellow, well then I am sold! Here's a few things that I plan on adding to my life asap!

Public vs Private

Chris and I always get into fights about how much we tell our friends. Chris wants everyone to know pretty much everything about us, and I like to give the bare minimum. As Chris so wisely pointed out to me, it has a lot to do with our families and how we're brought up. Chris's family was just really honest about their struggles and issues. My family definitely had our share of struggles and issues, we just didn't tell anyone about them. So, naturally this spills over into our married life. I still do not like to share and Chris does! In the spirit of sharing struggles, issues and even praises... here they are.

I'll start out with a praise, in January I applied for another marketing job. I was really fed up with my job at the nursing home and was ready to move up in salary. So, I had two interviews with a company and then they called me up and offered me the job! I also negotiated for an even higher salary then they offered. It was a HUGE raise! So, I met with my boss, who I really do love, and handed her my resignation letter. I started to cry, she started to cry and I told her why I felt I needed to leave. I'll leave out all the boring details, but the day ended with a salary match and a very complimentary speech from the President, begging me to stay. I decided to stay and most days am glad I decided to stay.

Issues... Refuge is going really great. I would like to say that it has been an honor to watch Chris fall into his pastoral position. He has handled so many situations with such wisdom, compassion and heart. But, what church plant doesn't have it's issues? For that matter, what church doesn't have it's issues? As many of you know a lot of our church is made up of recovering addicts. I think it what has been hard for me is that I get really attached to people. All people. And sometimes recovering addicts relapse and leave. Some don't necessarily relapse, but they do make poor decisions. And that's hard. It's just a hard part of ministry, and I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to it. Another hard thing has been the loneliness I've felt as a pastor's wife. I don't know what else to say about it, other than I just feel lonely.

And on to the struggles. I'm sorry if I'm always talking about this, I don't mean to be annoying about it, but it is my struggle. We are still not pregnant. And I think about it everyday. Everyday.It has been 8 months and we are still not pregnant. And no amount of encouragement or "I'm sure it'll happen for you soon" makes my heart feel any better about it. I've just had to put my hope in the Lord. I told myself yesterday morning that I have a good life. I have a husband who loves me dearly, a church family who loves me and a career that I enjoy. I have no room to complain. That got me through yesterday, but today was a little harder.

Now that it's all typed out, none of this seems so bad to share. I guess sometimes my husband is right.

Baby, it is COLD outside!

After a beautiful 72 degree weather yesterday, Denver is getting slammed by about 10 inches snow! I am so over the winter. I think these might help my wait for summer go just a little bit faster.

Go HERE for the full recipe.


p.s. Thanks HWTM for something to look forward to!

An ending and a beginning

I'm sitting on my couch this Sunday morning, watching dumb reruns of Beverly Hill 90210 and online shopping at my favorite store Anthroplogie.

And I am thinking about how nice it is to not have much to do today, just grocery shop and put up a few dishes, maybe follow up on a few items I saw online, in the store. But I am also thinking about how next Saturday will be the first public service of Refuge Community Church. I'm kinda of in awe because it feels like this has been such a long time coming. Like 3 years coming.

Next Saturday when the music starts, and all the voices sing in unison, it will be the start of something new. Chris will preach his first Denver sermon and we'll be off. But, I want to reflect on where we came from. When we first met over chicken kabobs, peach tea and lots of excitement. Then we moved into regular Sunday evening meetings, discussing controversial topics, defending our thoughts and sharing our hearts. We squished on each other's couches, lounged on the floor and had lots coffee breaks. We laughed together, introduced new members and sometimes we cried. Ok, I cried. We started out as almost strangers and now we are family. We no longer have to make awkward small talk or ask polite questions, we know each other. Maybe a little better than we'd like, but that's what it's like in a family, a community. It hasn't been an easy growth. But, when is growth ever easy? But, we are better for it and so is Refuge Community Church.

So think about us next Saturday night around 6ish, because as one chapter closes for Refuge Community Church another is starting. And I could not be more excited to see what is ahead of us.

Life as I see it

Well, the past couple of months have been good! Just wanted to catch up on all that's been going on.

• Refuge Community Church will be having our first service very soon! Still no building yet, but we do have an AWESOME music minister and of course pastor! ;) Chris had been making connections with some people to help with the building process and I feel completely confident that we will have a meeting place by Palm Sunday, which is when we kick off! Chris has been losing sleep over it, but I know that God is faithful.
• I've been working out! Yes, it is true. I HATE working out, HATE it! But, it occurred to me that I was spending most of my time on the couch watching TV. And that is just not a life. So I've been walking/running with Rufus almost everyday after work or on the weekends. Granted I don't go very far, but I'm getting there.
• I just finished reading Donald Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and it was seriously the best book I've read in a long time. It has changed me. As all good books should. It's all about the kind of story you are living and the character you are in your own story. It has made really think about the story I building with my life. Buy it and Read it! You won't regret it. Truly.
• I've become kinda obsessed with party planning. I found a couple of blogs one night and was hooked. I'm definitely the kind of person that says "I can do that!", and then never does. So, now I am actually doing it. It doesn't seem hard, just time consuming and lots of attention to detail. Which I can commit myself to. I am having my "launch party" in a couple of weeks for one of the guys in our church. He is graduating from the Mission and so I wanted to throw him a party. It's a Green bay Packer theme, so green and gold. I'll put up pictures of how it turns out. I'm really excited.
  
• Chris and I are planning a Taste of Texas trip this summer, because we miss all our favorite restaurants from all our favorite cities. So, hopefully we will be seeing many of our Texas friends!

I think that about wraps it up!

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"I gave in, and admitted that God was God"
C.S. Lewis

Something Borrowed

I don't know if anyone ever ventures over to Chris's blog or not, BUT I am posting his recent post for all to read. Chris works at a homeless shelter here in Denver, one of the largest homeless shelters in the nation. He does a job, that I could never do. A job that not many could do. I was just really touched when I read this and hope you will be too.

2.20.2010

Stench

As I work at a homeless shelter, I am often overwhelmed with stench. There are various types, and since I have a very capable nose, I tend to smell them all. I smell the typical "I've been wearing these shoes for years and they have literally been through it all" stench of shoes. I smell the discarded garbage from rotting veggies donated at the last minute. I smell armpits and body odor, I smell dirty clothes and an over abundance of hand sanitizer. I smell booze breath and cigarette breath and just plain stank breath. To me, all these things smell disgusting, but to God, I know they smell like love.

It's funny how much the sense of smell is linked to particular memories. All it takes is a whiff of a certain smell to take me back to my house during middle school. Or a certain smell to take me back to Buchanan Elementary. Sometimes I will smell something and almost be transported to my summers at Sky Ranch, or my summer playing basketball in Australia.

So when I walk through the dorms of the shelter at night, and smell feet and farts, bad breath and cigarette smoke, I wonder how that all smells to God. And I think it is a bittersweet smell to him. Bitter because our weakness has led us to embrace the disgusting smells of the world. The smell of alcoholism and drug addiction, pornography and materialism, bitterness and greed, gluttony and hatred, fear and violence, ultimately death. But it is sweet because it is the smell of a long lost love. The smell of lost sons and daughters. The smell of a people so close to greatness that if they would but close their hand on it they might hold it. God smells the potential and the problem.

And I think it takes him back, back before anyone could possibly remember, to the day he began creating. It reminds him of the smell of an untainted garden. The smell of people in harmony with their world, rather than destroying it. The smell of victory. And in that sense, I think it also takes him forward. The smell anticipates the day it will all be over, but the day that it will start anew.

Those are the things that the smell of homelessness reminds me of. Because those of us who belong to the kingdom of God are homeless. We are exiles here in a world that does not understand us, or our smell. Our world smells only our defeat, but our Lord smells our surrender. Our world smells our deaths, but we can smell our new life from our deaths. That's what I smell when I smell stinky shoes and unwashed underwear.

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." Albert Einstein

I Heart Jeans

I do. I just love them! I think it goes back to the 6th grade when I got made fun of for my dorky jeans. But then I went to college and I was introduced to Designer Jeans. And from then on, I've been a sucker. And probably the real reason I haven't bought any jeans for over a year, is because I didn't want to spend my hard earned fun money on jeans. But today was the day.
I bought them. I love them. I can't wait to wear them!

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"People are always telling me that change is good. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all.... has happened."
Kathleen Kelly
"You've Got Mail"

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."

Donald Miller

Words of the Wise Wednesday

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."
Coco Chanel

Pity Party Table for One Please...

On my 28th birthday, Chris and I went to this South American restaurant. There we were, me sipping on a mojito , Chris with some exotic beer and he then he sprang it on me. He said, "I was going to get you some flowers, but I think you'll like this better. I think we should start trying to have a baby." It would be an understatement to say that I was beyond excited. Because I was.
The baby bug bit me a long time ago and I've been itching for a little one for quite some time.

But, like every girl who is "trying", that monthly reminder that you're not pregnant brings mixed emotions. But you keep on trying. In the mean time, I would secretly look at Gap Maternity, read pregnancy magazines in Barnes and Nobles and envision my dream nursery. In the meantime, everyone else got pregnant or had a baby! My boss, co-worker and couple of friends. Lets just say a lot of women in my everyday life, which makes a girl who's trying to get pregnant feel a little blue.

And then the other shoe dropped.

The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Refuge did another Thanksgiving dinner for our addicts who weren't able to have one. Chris and I were fighting about church and I was just an emotional basket case. I DID NOT want to go to church and drove separate from Chris. Cried the whole way there, walked in, set my mashed potatoes down and went to the bathroom. I sat down on the floor and cried. When I heard Chris come in, I grabbed him and wouldn't let him leave my side. As we circled up to pray for the meal, our friends the Arnolds made an announcement. Yep, you guessed it. "We're pregnant!" I looked at Chris and then I burst into tears. Then I heard someone say... something to the effect of "Robin's so happy she's crying!" Oh God. I did make my way over to Mary to hug her and congratulate her. I'm not a complete jerk after all! But the rest of the night, I just teared up off and on.

Since then, I've had a come to Jesus with well, Jesus. And Chris. And I've been trying to be gracious and kind and patient. I do better some days more than others. But don't we all? Today, wasn't one of those days. All the girls went shopping and lunch. Mary talked endlessly about babies, and pregnancy and strollers and maternity jeans and onesies and list goes on.Which, she should. She is pregnant and this is a very exciting time for her. But, a sad time for me. So, I bit my lip, I smiled, I did my best supportive friend, but at times I had to walk away.

Today, I had a pitty party.

2010

It's a new year and with new years comes new goals!

1.Start exercising regularly and lose 10 pounds

2. Eat healthy-more fruits and veggies and less candy and chips

3. Grow out my hair

4. Become more spontaneous; not just say no because it wasn't in the plans.

5. Let my husband know he is loved and cherished every day

6.Read and complete a book every month

7. Plan and start to save for a vacation to Dinsey World

8. Call my friends and family on a more consistent basis

9. Look for a new job

10. Enjoy my life, my circumstances and the people that fill it.